The Rest of the Prizes

Hi everybody, and welcome to the Saturday funnies (I hope).

Way back when, we had a Famous-Dead-Person Blog contest, with all participants invited to offer a word for a limerick if they provided a username for the famous dead person. Well, everybody did! Goodbear’s limerick was posted on my “Turtle’s Latest Limerick” sidebar on April 28th for a week, and may now be seen on my “Limericks of the Turtle” page. Last Saturday, I posted three limericks; there are four more to go, including one for Chris.

Here then, are the remaining four limericks, with the dates on which they’ll be posted on my sidebar and added to the “Limericks of the Turtle” page. Enjoy! (And if you didn’t read the grand prize, 499 words on the topic of Jack’s mom’s choice, you can catch it here.)

Okay, this first one is for Shelley, who asked for a limerick with the word “travel” in it. It’ll be sidebarred on May 28th.

• I’m travelin’ on down the line
• With sev’ral great Cardis of mine.
• We’ll see friends of yore,
• And might get a good score.
• Either way it’s okay — I feel fine!

 

Next is the limerick for Livingisdetail, who offered the word “procession”. This one will be sidebarred on June 7th.

• The Lady Godiva’s procession
• Has made quite a lasting impression.
• Her shiftless noblesse
• Is still seen as a test
• Of good stewardship during recession.

 

Third, and second-last, is another one for Jack’s mum, who offered the word “flash”. June 14 will herald its week of front-page fame.

• I now see my purchase was rash.
• Though this white bathing suit is quite flash,
• If I don’t lose (I fear)
• Twenty pound and ten year,
• It will raise not a single eyelash.

 

And finally, here is one for Chris, who didn’t specify a word, so I chose one for him: “president”. I’m not convinced of its suitability as family material, so if you’re reading these aloud to the kiddies you may want to tell them that this one isn’t funny, which it probably isn’t anyway. (There was enough scandal over Gerald the other day.) It will be featured for the week of June 21st.

• A president’s job is a tough one,
• And a journalist’s tongue is a rough one.
• After one photo-op
• At Ye Olde Sausage Shoppe,
• Headlines read, “Leader told where to stuff one.”

 

And today is Puppy Pickup Day, which means I have to run away now and won’t be able to visit your blogs till tomorrow. I wish you all a luscious weekend. A la prochaine!

Dead Heat (Contest Results)

Dog owners have widely varying tastes.
It was a lovely Spring weekend. Dog parents were everywhere. Unlike last time, when I was nearly reduced to paying a street person to check off a ballot sheet, this time I cornered  Coco’s daddy, Buster’s mummy, Flip’s mummy, both mummies of the Thundering Herd, Dover’s daddy… every last judge was a dog parent.

Okay, I’m lying. One of my co-workers has a Maine Coon cat; but she loves playing with all the dogs that visit the store.

Anyway, by 3 pm today I had a nice sheaf of checked-off ballots. Rubbing my hands in demonic glee, I sorted them into teeny little piles, counted them, and who do you think was the winner?

No one. It was a three-way tie. And everyone else came in second. I think from this experiment we can conclude that among dog owners, there are as many opinions on what is funny as there are breeds of dog.

So I marked up a ballot, stuffed it in my jacket pocket, called Cai, and took him outside to play ball. There I found the mummy of Sunny, a golden long-haired chihuahua. I asked her (the mummy, not the dog) to please choose which of the three asterisked entries she found the funniest. She chose.

Congratulations, Dracula, you have a new blog! Jack’s mom, you get 500 words on a topic of your choice! I realize I may not hear from you until Tuesday, but I can wait.

Now, for the limericks… By posting one per week until they’re all up, I would be making some of you wait two months for yours, which I think is kinda cruel. How do you think I should organize it? Should I post three per day, making my entries all-limericks-all-the-time for three days running? I would also continue my pattern of having a different one in my sidebar on each monthday divisible by seven. Duzzat work? You would each get your week-on-the-sunny-log, but would already know your limerick before it goes up to bask.

Chris, you haven’t given me a word for a limerick, and Shelley and Checkers, you each have leftover privileges from the first contest. That’s three more words. And a certain evil genius from the first contest suggested “blogosphere”, which I haven’t completely ruled out…

But today I’m kinda tired and not making much sense. Must be all that fresh air.

 

 

Blog-Day Afternoon

For the last — and first — contest I held, I gave a full week till the deadline. I didn’t know who was out there reading my stuff, or if anyone new might stumble along and decide to get in on the fun. The contest closed with seven contestants, four of whom I know in real life (no, not my mom, but she helped judge the entries), and all of whom posted their suggestions in the first 48 hours.

I have since learned that most blog entries receive comments within a maximum of three days’ posting. This time, then, I shortened the lead time to 7 00 Saturday morning EST/ 11 00 GMT / 21 00 Saturday evening in Melburne.

It has been 24 hours now, and so far there is only an ominous silence (tempered by munchings of oatmeal-chocolate-chip cookies). In a panic, I consulted with a real-life reader over the phone.

“This contest is a lot harder than the last one,” she said, between bites.

“It is a bit,” I conceded. “But basically, it’s: you think of somebody famous and give them a blog title. You only give them a username if you want me to write a limerick.”

“All I’ve come up with so far is the Marquis de Sade,” she crunched.

“The Marquis de Sade? The Marquis de Sade? Explorers, inventors, cartoon characters, and you came up with the Marquis de Sade? That’s — like — oh, whatever. If you’ve got something, post it.”

“Except,” she said, licking the chocolate off her fingers, “I haven’t thought of a blog title for him yet.”

“Oh.” Straightening up again from the wall just before my forehead made impact, I tried: “How about, Mad, Bad, and Sade?”

“I suppose,” she said, flicking cookie crumbs off her knees. “But who else is there? I mean, there’s Homer…”

“Ah, but which one?” I challenged. “That’s why you need a few words for the disambiguous…ness… disambigi…fication… to know which one you mean.”

“Well, you’d know which one was meant if his username was ‘Duh’!” She snapped her dinner napkin before folding it. “But what could his blog title be?”

“You could call it The Idiossey.”

“You see? You’re brilliant!” she gushed, her mouth no longer full of home-baked goodness.

“But I’m poor.”

“We can’t have everything,” she lectured. “Gotta go, there’s a meeting at one. Why don’t you post the ones you’ve just come up with, as examples?”

So I am.

Example one:

“The Marquis de Sade, 18th-Century mentally unstable writer. Blog: Mad, Bad, and Sade.”

Example two:

“Homer, of the TV cartoon show The Simpsons. Blog: The Idiossey. Username: Duh. My limerick word: Kwik-E-Mart.”

In Principio Erat Blogos (a contest)

“Hello-o-o-o, evry-bud-deeeee! This is your old pal Grover, with aynother contest, that’s right, ay nice contest, mm-hmm!”

If Sesame Street’s cute-and-loveable, fuzzy-little Grover decided to write a blog, what would he name it? Or if naturalist Charles Darwin had a blog, how would he entitle it? Or how about heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali? Or Scottish inventor Alexander Graham Bell? You decide! I think enough of us had enough fun with last month’s contest that it’s time for another one.

Rules

1. Choose someone fairly famous and completely dead (puppets, cartoon personalities, and characters from novels are all eligible). Someone with an unfamous name, but who did something famous, also counts.
2. Describe the person in one phrase (e.g. “who invented eraser-topped pencils”, or “first European in Tasmania”).
3. Give a humorous, fitting (or ironic) blog title.
4. Bonus: Give that person’s username.
5. If you supply a username, you’re an automatic winner! Provide me with a word, and I’ll use it in a limerick. New limericks go up on each date divisible by seven, and all limericks are kept on my “Limericks of the Turtle” page.

Judging

Like last time, I will seek out approximately two dozen non-blogging acquaintances to judge the entries. Judges will be asked to pick the entry that is funniest to them.

Prizes

• First prize: Again, like last time, I will write 500 words on the topic of the winner’s choice.
• Second prizes: See rules 4 and 5 above. Please provide your limerick word along with your entry.

Deadline

Saturday morning, April 26, at 07 00 Eastern Standard Time. Winner to be announced by Sunday evening.

I can hardly wait!

Seer Nonsense (a quiz)

Yesterday I posted a (somewhat heavy) entry on fortune telling. My views on it, and those of two commenters, emphasize slightly different things. I see fortune telling as a kind of Rorschach test: What do I personally see, or prefer to see, in this inkblot? Goodbear sees in it a hand extended in hope: There is a future, Virginia, now just set your right foot on that outcropping, there’s only a metre more till the plateau. Eyegillian, on the other hand, snuffs warily at the fortune teller’s robes, seeing her as a dream-reading, dictatorial career counsellor. Our views are different, but none of them are indifferent.

Today, on the other hand, is laundry day, so it’s time for something a little lighter. I thought we might continue the fortune telling/personality sussing/career advising theme with a quiz. I am making it up as I go along. There will be no “If you said yes to questions 3, 7, and 15, you are an INFP” sort of evaluation at the end of it. It’s just a random set of questions to help you reflect, ponder, smile, dream… Ask your partner what they think your answers add up to.  Try it on a co-worker. Predict your friends’ answers, then see how good a fortune teller you are. Imagine how your pet would answer them. But please, no squabbling; they’re supposed to be light-hearted.

 

The Who-Do-You-Think-You-Are Quiz

1. Fill in the blank. “Congratulations! You’ve just won a weekend in ________________!”

2. You have won your choice of three 10-day trips. Which would you choose?

• a) A luxury cruise through Scandinavia
• b) An eco-tour expedition in Costa Rica
• c) A hotel suite in a city hosting the World Cup

3. This autumn, your boss is offering to pay tuition for any evening course you want to take. You’ll sign up for _____________________.

4. Your workplace plays commercial-free satellite radio. You prefer listening to:

• a) the pop hits of your teens
• b) classical music favourites
• c) jazz greats
• d) show tunes

5. You’ve just come from an exhibition of Canadian art. Your favourite works were the ones by:

• a) Paul Peel
• b) Emily Carr
• c) David Milne

6. The fire alarm in your building has gone off for the second time this week. You’re alone in your apartment. You:

• a) curse, and exit the building
• b) don’t curse, and exit the building
• c) curse, and don’t exit the building
• d) don’t curse, and don’t exit the building

7. You’ve just had the most amazing first date! First, your suitor picked you up in a:

• a) fully reconditioned 1975 Corvette Stingray
• b) half-ton pickup truck
• c) partially solar-powered Volvo

8. You went for supper at:

• a) your favourite local
• b) the new vegan eatery that’s been getting those rave reviews
• c) a fabulous French restaurant

9. Then it was off to the cinema to watch an excellent:

• a) romantic comedy
• b) documentary
• c) historical drama
• d) futuristic thriller

10. Afterwards, you went to a watering hole (where you both drank responsibly) and you chatted for hours. You relaxed as your date ordered:

• a) coffee
• b) tea
• c) beer
• d) scotch

11. Your discussion of the film centred on:

• a) this and other films by the same director
• b) the motives and behaviour of the characters
• c) the visuals: setting, costuming, special effects
• d) a comparison of the film’s portrayal and your knowledge of the subject or the book that the film based itself on

12. Your date dropped you off at your door with a warm hug, and the statement that it’s his/her policy never to do more than that on a first date. You think:

• a) What a sweet, old-fashioned kind of respect!
• b) What a weirdo!
• c) What are you doing tomorrow night?

13. You have room in your heart, home, and budget for a new pet. You’ll get a ______________.

14. The TV animal of which you have fondest memories are:

• a) the Littlest Hobo
• b) Skippy, the bush kangaroo
• c) Flipper
• d) Cheeta

15. Your favourite cartoon animal is:

• a) Spongebob Squarepants
• b) Lisa Simpson’s cat Snowball
• c) Yogi Bear
• d) Clifford, the big red dog

16. Your favourite comic-strip animal is:

• a) Snoopy
• b) Garfield
• c) Mutts
• d) Grimm

17. You would take the time to learn a language little spoken in your area, because:

• a) it’s the language of your ancestors
• b) it’s the language of your partner’s relatives
• c) knowledge of it will help you get a raise
• d) it’s an important language in a field that interests you

18. Which adjective best describes you?

• a) tickly
• b) prickly
• c) wriggly
• d) squiggly

19. Would you rather be a sparrow or a snail?

20. Name three things for which you are thankful today. ______________; ____________________; ____________________.

And I thank YOU for stopping by!

Do feel free to comment on anything that really grabbed you. Happy Laundry Day!

 

Laundry List, and a Game

Today, Tuesday, is laundry day. It’s the day Jack goes home to his mum, so the clothing left here for him has all been worn. It’s a day I need to stick around the house, to see Jack to the streetcar and see to him after school. It’s a good day for scrubbing weekend schmattas and ensuring office wear for the week.

As I was sorting the laundry this morning, I was thinking about the term “laundry list” which means a detailed enumeration. I decided that today would be good time, then, to catch up on little bits and pieces here in Blogland, mainly dealing with the delightful laundry list that is my blogroll. So without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. On April 4, Goodbear posted an interview with Seamus, my WWF Sea Turtle Stuffy. Go straight to it, or if you prefer, click on “cody bear’s friends” for compassionate, often hilarious, photos and newslets on her dog Cody and her daily life in general. She is also the mastermind of DOG DAILY PHOTO, excellent impromptu portraits of dogs she meets around town. She has a gift for capturing each pooch’s personality.

2. This past weekend, I wrote two and-a-half entries dealing with  Tommy Thompson Park on the Leslie Street Spit. Themarvelousinnature has volunteered with the Bird Research Station for four or five years now. She has three entries specifically tagged for that topic: February 23, March 31, and April 2. When she isn’t taking superb photos of songbirds, she’s examining pond creatures or cattail stalks or meadow vole runways or black knot — things we’ve seen and wondered about hundreds of times, but never got around to answering our own questions about them. Themarvelousinnature might just have the answer; go check it out.

3. Another interesting post dealing with birds has just gone up on exploratorium. It’s about birds that go bump in the night, and how office-tower managers and ordinary citizens might help prevent the accidental death of migratory birds. At the bottom of her article are all the links you need for further investigation of the topic. Eyegillian researches the current literature and delivers incisive, insightful surveys examining the crossroads of scientific findings and human interactions.

4. I hate to see anybody lose a contest. So when the results of the Name-and-genderize-the-sea-turtle-stuffy contest came in, I invited the six second-place winners to give me a word, and I would write a limerick using it. On my sidebar now is “Turtle’s Latest Limerick“, currently featuring one for Goodbear. I plan to post a new one on every monthday divisible by seven. I’ll also add a page to this blog with all the limericks in one place. So-o-o-o, for those of you who haven’t offered a word yet, please contact me! Eventually I’ll extend more invitations, but for now, the six second-place contest winners get top priority.

5. I’ve written a good deal about Cai, my Cardigan Welsh Corgi. If you need a more consistent Cardi fix, click over to Checkers’ World or the Yasashiikuma blog. One blog specializes in photo essays illustrating comical Cardidom from the dog’s point of view. The other examines all things Cardigan from the breeder’s point of view.

6. If you’re a cat person, or if you just need a good cry, go read The Aged Cat. Her blog’s raison d’etre recently passed away, and she hasn’t written for a couple of weeks now, but what she has posted is brilliant, beautiful, and heartbreaking. She also serendipitously created  the phrase barklove for dog people.

7. Since beginning this blog just over a month ago, I have made some friends in far places. Lately I noticed that two of them, Goodbear and Livingisdetail, comment on each other’s blogs as well as on mine. All three of us are generalists who write on various topics connected with our personal lives. Livingisdetail, for example, posts on everything from drambuie to duckponds to dumptrucks. Since one lives in the American southwest, the other in Melbourne Australia, and I in southern Ontario, I suggested to Livingisdetail that the three of us should get together for coffee in a location central to all of us — like, maybe Morocco. So-o-o-o, I have a GAME for my readers: Think of at least two other bloggers that you would like to get together with over a coffee, a tea, or a pint. (For non-blogging readers, you can choose either bloggers or acquaintances.) Check out a map or a globe. Where would you meet? Bonus question: What would you wanna talk about? Lemme know! No deadline or prize for this game, just something to think about.

 Time to fold the clothes! Thanks for sharing laundry day with me.

The Envelope, please! (this morning’s entry cont’d)

Poochie’s daddy. Georgie’s mummy. Three members of the family-run hardware store. An executive director. The crossing guard. The co-op office manager. The health food store owner. The dollar store owner. My barber. Niall’s mum. My mum. The neighbours three flights up. I knocked on doors, I bought light bulbs and organic chocolate bars, I stopped acquaintances in the street. Because it’s raining today, the dogs aren’t out for more than a moment, so a number of dog parents that I’d been counting on didn’t show up. A few other possible contest judges weren’t around either, for one reason or another.

Nevertheless, everyone I did manage to catch — twenty people in all — were good sports. Some chuckled at the idea, some asked if I wanted a donation, some told me turtle tales of their own. One dogparent remembered a snapping turtle the size of a footstool that lived under the cottage dock when he was a kid. One of the hardware store owners said that his childhood chums would take a small painted turtle from the Riverdale pond, care for it for a year, and return it the next summer. Someone said that in Indonesia, people pat a carved wooden turtle to leave their worries outside with it before entering a home.

Many people had automatic favourites when they viewed the ballot sheet. “It’s gotta be ‘Tiny Tim’!” “It has to be ‘Seamus’!” Often they said why they chose a name.  ”‘Spike’ will give it some protection.” “I think ‘Shelley’ is a sweet name.” “‘Myrtle the turtle’ rings a bell somehow.” “Ha, ‘Sandy’ like a beach!” “I like ‘Micmac’; do you know the aboriginal legend that the world was built on a turtle’s back?”

Seven entries; twenty judges; not a single entry that wasn’t chosen by someone. At first, in fact, with each ballot a different name was chosen, and I wondered if I would end up with three votes for each name. Finally, however, there emerged a winner:

It’s a boy! His name is Seamus.

Please let me know, Livingisdetail, what topic you would like me to write about. I owe you 500 words.

For everyone else, I’m willing to award a second-place prize: give me a word, e.g. “Checkers”, and I’ll compose a limerick for you. I think everyone deserves a prize for participating. Thank you all! It was a lot of fun.

The Entrants

Four more minutes…three more minutes…two…one…okay! 

I have waited until 7 am March 31 Eastern Standard Time, to ensure that all the readers in Apia, Samoa had until midnight of March 30 to enter the contest. I have printed up 27 2″ x 3″ ballots, and this morning I’ll distribute them among non-blog acquaintances, and tally up their choices. Back this aft (this aft-thirty in Newfoundland) to announce the winner!

(N.B. the ballots don’t include the Painter Essentials III illustration above.)