Seer Nonsense (a quiz)

Yesterday I posted a (somewhat heavy) entry on fortune telling. My views on it, and those of two commenters, emphasize slightly different things. I see fortune telling as a kind of Rorschach test: What do I personally see, or prefer to see, in this inkblot? Goodbear sees in it a hand extended in hope: There is a future, Virginia, now just set your right foot on that outcropping, there’s only a metre more till the plateau. Eyegillian, on the other hand, snuffs warily at the fortune teller’s robes, seeing her as a dream-reading, dictatorial career counsellor. Our views are different, but none of them are indifferent.

Today, on the other hand, is laundry day, so it’s time for something a little lighter. I thought we might continue the fortune telling/personality sussing/career advising theme with a quiz. I am making it up as I go along. There will be no “If you said yes to questions 3, 7, and 15, you are an INFP” sort of evaluation at the end of it. It’s just a random set of questions to help you reflect, ponder, smile, dream… Ask your partner what they think your answers add up to.  Try it on a co-worker. Predict your friends’ answers, then see how good a fortune teller you are. Imagine how your pet would answer them. But please, no squabbling; they’re supposed to be light-hearted.

 

The Who-Do-You-Think-You-Are Quiz

1. Fill in the blank. “Congratulations! You’ve just won a weekend in ________________!”

2. You have won your choice of three 10-day trips. Which would you choose?

• a) A luxury cruise through Scandinavia
• b) An eco-tour expedition in Costa Rica
• c) A hotel suite in a city hosting the World Cup

3. This autumn, your boss is offering to pay tuition for any evening course you want to take. You’ll sign up for _____________________.

4. Your workplace plays commercial-free satellite radio. You prefer listening to:

• a) the pop hits of your teens
• b) classical music favourites
• c) jazz greats
• d) show tunes

5. You’ve just come from an exhibition of Canadian art. Your favourite works were the ones by:

• a) Paul Peel
• b) Emily Carr
• c) David Milne

6. The fire alarm in your building has gone off for the second time this week. You’re alone in your apartment. You:

• a) curse, and exit the building
• b) don’t curse, and exit the building
• c) curse, and don’t exit the building
• d) don’t curse, and don’t exit the building

7. You’ve just had the most amazing first date! First, your suitor picked you up in a:

• a) fully reconditioned 1975 Corvette Stingray
• b) half-ton pickup truck
• c) partially solar-powered Volvo

8. You went for supper at:

• a) your favourite local
• b) the new vegan eatery that’s been getting those rave reviews
• c) a fabulous French restaurant

9. Then it was off to the cinema to watch an excellent:

• a) romantic comedy
• b) documentary
• c) historical drama
• d) futuristic thriller

10. Afterwards, you went to a watering hole (where you both drank responsibly) and you chatted for hours. You relaxed as your date ordered:

• a) coffee
• b) tea
• c) beer
• d) scotch

11. Your discussion of the film centred on:

• a) this and other films by the same director
• b) the motives and behaviour of the characters
• c) the visuals: setting, costuming, special effects
• d) a comparison of the film’s portrayal and your knowledge of the subject or the book that the film based itself on

12. Your date dropped you off at your door with a warm hug, and the statement that it’s his/her policy never to do more than that on a first date. You think:

• a) What a sweet, old-fashioned kind of respect!
• b) What a weirdo!
• c) What are you doing tomorrow night?

13. You have room in your heart, home, and budget for a new pet. You’ll get a ______________.

14. The TV animal of which you have fondest memories are:

• a) the Littlest Hobo
• b) Skippy, the bush kangaroo
• c) Flipper
• d) Cheeta

15. Your favourite cartoon animal is:

• a) Spongebob Squarepants
• b) Lisa Simpson’s cat Snowball
• c) Yogi Bear
• d) Clifford, the big red dog

16. Your favourite comic-strip animal is:

• a) Snoopy
• b) Garfield
• c) Mutts
• d) Grimm

17. You would take the time to learn a language little spoken in your area, because:

• a) it’s the language of your ancestors
• b) it’s the language of your partner’s relatives
• c) knowledge of it will help you get a raise
• d) it’s an important language in a field that interests you

18. Which adjective best describes you?

• a) tickly
• b) prickly
• c) wriggly
• d) squiggly

19. Would you rather be a sparrow or a snail?

20. Name three things for which you are thankful today. ______________; ____________________; ____________________.

And I thank YOU for stopping by!

Do feel free to comment on anything that really grabbed you. Happy Laundry Day!

 

Making Fortunes

On her last flight, Jack’s mum served a psychic. The psychic offered to tell Jack’s fortune for free, if Jack’s mum was carrying a photograph of him. She was. This morning on our way to the streetcar, graciously ignoring my rude interruptions, Jack recounted to me the psychic’s predictions.

“She said I was very smart –”

“No question there.”

“And I would become very successful –”

“Uh-huh, can’t see why not.”

“And I would live in a really big, white house with ginormous pillars in front –”

“You’re going to be a bank teller! That’s terrific!”

“And she saw me standing in front of a large crowd –.”

“Just before you get hanged?”

“Well, I think it sounds like I’m going to be President!”

“Except you’ve got two passports, and neither of them is American. Wouldn’t you at least prefer Rideau Hall or Buckingham Palace?”

Then I gave him a quick recap of what Victor Hugo had to say on the subject of fortune telling back in 1831, in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Esmeralda has been raised with the gypsies because they stole her as an infant. They were able to kidnap her because her mother asked them to read her daughter’s fortune, and then left the baby alone in the house while she ran to brag to her neighbours about how great her child would become. Oops.

“And you think my mum would let the gypsies steal me?”

“Oh no, she would never be that foolish. My point was that fortune tellers will tell you what you want to hear. Victor Hugo was being very clear that fortune telling is baloney. And it’s still baloney 150 years later.”

And it’s still baloney about three thousand years after the Hebrew Scriptures warned against divination of all sorts. And as with just about every other passage in the Bible, unscrupulous advantage has been taken of this one. This “proof text” has been used down the ages to rid communities of marginalized old women whose best source of cat-food money has been to carefully examine a troubled face, and tell the listener what he most wanted to hear.

Because wouldn’t we all like to know what the future holds, and better still, to know that it holds good things? Flip the tarot cards then, draw up the horoscope, tell me what my name means, find a hook for me on which I can hang my hopes! Tell me what I want to hear.

I do think that in a way, fortune telling can be helpful. It can help to clarify our desires of who we want to be. For example, my astrological sign says that I am good with languages and with numbers. I agree with the first part and dismiss the second, not because there’s any truth or untruth in either statement, but because the second part is not what I want. I want to be a story teller, not a bank teller. So my gut reactions to various occult assertions about me help me to confirm what I want. In that case, why is it such a bad thing?

I think the Bible speaks against fortune telling for the same reason that, for every claim it makes, it elsewhere makes a counterclaim. Hate your parents and siblings for the sake of the Truth; but if you say you love Truth when you don’t love your siblings, you’re a liar. Don’t let witches live; but be merciful and humble. That kind of thing. Each time I think I’ve got God securely fastened into my butterfly collection, I come back after lunch to find another empty pin. There are no “proof texts”, I think, because love is a risk. The God of Love calls us out of our security and into scary, risky places; the god of Certainty is a hollow idol.

My partner and I are standing at the edge of a canyon just now, beside a rope bridge. E.g. has seen the other side, but is afraid of heights. I don’t mind the rickety bridge, even if it is missing half of its planks, but I don’t know where it leads. We’re both afraid. We both agree, though, that we need to cross that bridge.

Okay, let’s go — you first. No, after you. No, I insist. No, I couldn’t possibly.

Maybe we could draw cards?