Hermeneutically Sealed (Saturday Funnies)

Foulksrath Castle Hostel
Foulksrath Castle Hostel, Ireland. The one place where the Tilley quick-dry guarantee fails.

I got some pretty strange looks from customers at the pet store this week. I like to think of myself as occasionally witty, but with this week’s lack of sleep, I more closely resembled a half-wit. I briefly wondered how close to the cash register I could hang my two bachelor’s degrees, the graduate diploma, the PSW certificate, my ORCA basic Flatwater badge, and the happy grades for courses ranging from First Aid to Watercolour Painting to Editing, but I was too tired to stay miffed for more than a sentence at a time. I floated through the two days, a vacant smile on my face, keeping the counter firmly in place with my elbows. I didn’t even attempt to spin the can labels.

So this morning, before running off to feed Robert and Jane’s cats, I thought I would put some half-assessed effort into compiling a lexicon of completely unrelated terms. Some of these come from recent exchanges with other bloggers, some have been part of my cranial spaghetti for a long time, and one or more of them, if we’re both lucky, might make you smile. Happy weekend!


aplomb: [← Fr panache, ← white I rock, ← masc You the man, ← Helen Reddy I am strong! I am invincible! , ← Gk aplomb.]

breathe: Thoft, thoothing wind.

elytra (sing. elytron) :  Hard, shiny wing casing on beetles. Usage: Comm, deterrent to lingering customers: “Say, did you know you have spots on your inner elytra?”

few roos loose in the top paddock, a: Kangaroos culpable of stealing sandwiches from picnic baskets.

hermeneutically sealed: Hunting in this area restricted to theologians.

Invention is the necessity of motherhood: ≈ Hard times call for desperate measures; usu re int furnishgs or dom cuisine. [Attr. Lavender Bay, 1980s.]

latté: Breakfast drink discouraging workplace punctuality.

pictureskew: Panoramic, scenic. [*Br sp picturesque.]

tooth hockey: [regionalism] Stick-handling motions, during fake fights, of open jaws of two dogs. = jawing.

unawares: Garments laundered in hostel sinks and hung on bunk bed rails to dry overnight.



11 Responses to Hermeneutically Sealed (Saturday Funnies)

  1. Checkers says:

    Tooth hockey-brilliant! I love it. Nash thinks it is a great descriptive term as well. I also like “hermeneutically sealed”-what would theologians hunt for though…btw, what’s a theologian?

  2. eyegillian says:

    Wow, I had to read this twice — so much information to take in! I can’t help thinking that your excessively eclectically convoluted cranial spaghetti had something to do with last night’s supper…

    I’m trying to decide which of these definitions I love most. Perhaps “unawares” because it made me laugh the hardest, but “elytra” might be a really good one to save up for an appropriate moment… it reminds me of a sign that my sociology teacher had on her office door: “eschew obfuscation”. So as an antidote to the eschewing of extranenous expressions, chew on!

  3. lavenderbay says:

    Glad you guys like “tooth hockey”, Checkers; it took a few months before I could find a descriptor for the phenomenon, which I had never noticed before adopting Cai.
    The theologians would hunt for seals, of course. A theologian is someone who tries to describe the Ineffable. Because of their attempt to render G*d effed, theologians are referred to in some circles as efts ( http://themarvelousinnature.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/cute-newt/ ).

    Hang on, Gillian — last night’s yummy kaspetti supper did not spring from my sizzling brain pan; you made it.
    I like the final entry too, as it explains the photo and caption.
    You seem to be advocating English in bite-size pieces. That’s much better than being spoonfed it.

  4. jamesviscosi says:

    Tilley quick-dry guarantee? As in, Tilley hats? I love my Tilley hat! I couldn’t live in California without it!!!

  5. lavenderbay says:

    Yes, James, Mr. Tilley’s company, proudly Canadian, has expanded its line to include cruise-ship safari clothing and quick-dry socks and unawares. The socks did NOT dry overnight in rainy Foulksrath Castle Hostel in August 2004, but I forgot about asking for my refund. They worked great everywhere else. And of course, E.g. and I each have a Tilley hat. But no safari clothing.

  6. Shelley says:

    I love the definitions! And I agree with E.g. about the unawares. Also about the teachers favorite signs.

    My Latin teacher, Mr. Vickers (of course pronounced by us as “Wickers” after all it was Latin class) – had a number of them he would sneak in on us in translations tests – my avourite and most memorable being “SEMPER UBI SUB UBI” which fits right in with this posting.

    Of course the other thing we learned a lot about from him was Derivatives of Latin words…..
    Again with a great sense of humour he one day asked us who had a definition of “ONOMATOPOEIA”. Again fitting in to recent themes…his definition is a dog that isn’t housebroken.

    PS….is E.g. too taken up with the new addition to post?

  7. lavenderbay says:

    Mr. Wickers’s translation test surprises make Latin learning fun! And he knows his Greek, too. Apparently it literally means “name-making”; I can readily imagine someone coming up with a whole string of choice names if little Scampy peed on his toe.

    As for E.g., when she hasn’t been busy at work or with Fergus, she’s been helping to scotch-tape the household routines together. My twice-daily catsitting stint ends today, when Jane and Robert return from sunny Spain. Pet-store shifts are two days from noon to 7 pm. And Jack is with us for three of the other days. So, I’ve had three part-time jobs for over two weeks, plus taking Fergus and Cai out every two hours — and then wiping the puddle that Fergus inevitably saves up for the minute he gets back in the living room. So E.g. has been doing most of the cooking, and even the dishes! We need a vacation!!! Oh, yeah… we’re going to France in a week… Maybe the timing is good. (Insert cross-eyed smiley with protruding tongue here. )

  8. Bobbie says:

    I stumbled at the first half of your post title, but then noticed the parenthetical Saturday Funnies tag that completed the title.

    I guess we all have our own collections of these kinds of items, but I think I will store “hermeneutically sealed” in my brain somewhere, and bring it out some time when I have a suitable audience. ;-}

  9. lavenderbay says:

    “Suitable” being the operative word, Bobbie! It’s like a zen saying: When the funnybone is ready, the punchline will come. Enjoy!

  10. livingisdetail says:

    This is a great list lavenderbay. I recognise aplomb and the picnicing roos. I am determined to stick the word aplomb in my purse and try to embody that at least once a week. Ha, at the moment that seems rather a tough ask and really I am more naturally prone to comic confusion than aplomb. I love the definition for breathe – very Gerard Manley Hopkins and of course unawares…which isn’t so much like him but very funny. When I was in Ireland I tried to visit the Gerard Manley Hopkins museum opposite St Stephen’s Green in Dublin but it was closed for the winter.

  11. lavenderbay says:

    Ah, GMH, he of the dapples, brindles, and couple-colours! Our visit to Ireland focussed on pilgrimage sites — holy wells and such — and we didn’t go into Dublin itself. We did make up ditties about the “blue-bottomed sheep” which roamed the fenceless countryside; perhaps brother Gerard would have approved.

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