(Saturday Funnies) Housework: Variations on a Theme

Scenes from a Mennonite kitchen 1

By the time I finished cleaning everything, it was out of date.

As I’ve mentioned here and there in Blogland, my partner E.g. is out of town for the weekend. Although June is going to be a busy month for me store-schedule-wise, including a shift tomorrow, today is mine. I’ve decided to spend it in a virtuous burst of housekeeping. Here are my plans:

  1. Take the dogs out for a pottie around 06 00.
  2. Have a quick peek at my blogfriends over coffee until 07 00.
  3. Sweep the house 07 15.
  4. Wash the dishes 07 30.
  5. Feed the dogs 08 00.
  6. Re-arrange the storage closet 08 10 – 14 00, with breaks for potties, lunch, and a second cuppa.
  7. Get some groceries 14 10.
  8. Make a nutritious supper, with leftovers for tomorrow 15 00.
  9. While supper is simmering, write today’s blog entry until 16 30.
  10. Take the dogs out 16 30.
  11. Celebrate life with dinner and a beer 17 00.
  12. Finish reading Chooks in the City, play on the ‘Net, take the dogs out, and head to bed 21 00.

Here’s the reality:

  1. Take the dogs out for a pottie break 05 45.
  2. Have a quick peek at my blogfriends until 11 45. Consume two cups of coffee, the last scrapings of peanut butter mixed with some honey on a stale hamburger bun 08 30, and two nuked-from-frozen veggieburgers 11 15. Take Cai out to play 10 00 – 10 40, and Fergus for a pottie 10 45 – 10 50.
  3. Answer the door 11 45. Agree to watch the neighbouring foxhound, 12 30 – 15 30.
  4. Write today’s blog entry 12 00 – 12 30.
  5. Have a beer 12 35.
  6. Start tackling the slorage costet 12 45.
  7. Laugh at the sheer hopelessness of cleaning the closet with three dogs underfoot 12 55.
  8. Have another beer. Giggle at the dirshty distas 14 00.
  9. Take the dogs out. Very. Carefully. Use elevator 15 30.
  10. See if there are any grocery stores still open 17 00.
  11. Drink two quarts of water 18 00. Play on ‘Net and occasionally take dogs out until 23 00.
  12. Remember to brush my teeth 23 02.

So, how did we do, almost the same? Hmm…

If only I could organize my daily life as well as I organize my vacations.

7 Responses to (Saturday Funnies) Housework: Variations on a Theme

  1. Mutual friend Jane says:

    Just heading home from paid employment to tackle the dreaded housework. Two cats underfoot are no excuse. The newly retired did not get it all done before he went fishing. Must get good employment lawyer and sue…..

  2. lavenderbay says:

    Well, the nerve of Robert, Mutual Friend Jane! He’d better come home with a nice bouquet of smoked salmon at least.

    BTW, I did manage to get the dishes washed, and discovered something. If you want three quiet, fully-attentioned dogs, stand in the kitchen.

  3. goodbear says:

    if i compared my list to the actual events….it would be the same. the same!

  4. jamesviscosi says:

    At least you make a checklist … we don’t even usually get that far …

  5. Alyson says:

    See, housework will bring you undone everytime. I blame the housework. Great point about bringing dogs to a complete standstill in the kitchen, BTW. Shame it doesn’t work on kids too…it seems to do the reverse to them.

  6. lavenderbay says:

    This is the reason I always ask for the earliest doctor’s/dentist’s/vet’s appointment of the day, Goodbear; it’s the only one guaranteed to be on time.

    Without a checklist, James, we have to rely on commonsense rules, such as Wash the dishes when the mold is between one and two centimetres tall, or Fourteen unused bottles of shoe protector is too many.

    How about chickens, Alyson? Does standing in the kitchen… oh, wait, if a chicken is in the kitchen it’s usually pretty qui– never mind.

  7. Alyson says:

    Haha Eeeew!

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