Limericks of the Turtle

The most recent limerick is at the top. The dates represent when each limerick was published in my sidebar; the rhymes were composed anywhere from a few minutes to a few weeks beforehand.

January 14, 2010
Beginner Birder

  • As the youngster approached the Macaw,
  • She yelled to alert her mama.
  • Though she’d not meant to scare it,
  • The fine-feathered parrot
  • Flew off with no farewells at a’.
  • March 18, 2009
    Feast of Saints Patrick and John

    • I must grow a new lim’rick soon!
    • St Paddy deserves a fresh tune.
    • But the way things are going,
    • The seeds that I’m sowing
    • Won’t bear new rhyme crops until June.

    February 28, 2009
    Mushy Sentiments for Mum

    • My mum — if one’s age can be told
    • From one’s birthdays — is 18 years old.
    • She arrived, truth to say,
    • On a month’s bonus day.
    • Her hair’s silver, but her heart’s gold.

    February 7, 2009
    Pup Leisure

    • My Cardigan Corgis are Beautiful
    • (If not always perfectly dutiful).
    • Out of doors they run ’round
    • And sniff all they’ve found.
    • Exercise? Yes, we all get a bootiful.

    .

    January 14, 2009
    Rudely Interrupted

    • The exorcist doffed his fedora
    • And smiled at the wee gamine Laura.
    • “It’s two things we need
    • To do this brave deed,
    • Which are, namely — faith and begorra!”

    .

    December 21, 2008
    Song of the Closed Road

    • A blizzard’s a windy snowstorm;
    • Reduced speed and sight are the norm.
    • If you want song and dance,
    • Rent a 40s romance.
    • Stay at home. Don’t watch chaos perform.

    .

    December 14, 2008
    Do It Yourself

    • There was an old man in Ontario
    • Who never played tunes on the stereo.
    • When asked why this was,
    • He replied, “It’s because
    • I prefer whistling Heigh-Ho the Dairy-o.”

    .

    December 7, 2008
    And Sun-dried Tomato Pesto Radiators

    • A serious study of food’ll
    • Reveal the great art of the noodle.
    • In strand, shell, or sheet,
    • Squid ink black or gold wheat!
    • I’d rather have noodle than strudel.

    .

    November 28, 2008
    While You Were Sleeping

    • I sprang up, and threw on my housecoat
    • To know what the cat — moth or mouse? — smote.
    • He was inputting data
    • To see his hunts at a
    • Glance: “slug, fly, jay, frog, toad, snake, grouse, goat.”

    .

    November 21, 2008
    Cliffside Contemplation

    • A young Puffin perched on a little ledge,
    • Gazing far down from its brittle edge.
    • Growing more and more brave
    • With each wild, dancing wave,
    • He leapt in. “Ah!” he said, “What a privilege!”

    .

    November 14, 2008
    “20-30 cm predicted for Saturday…”

    • November means rain, not yet snow.
    • The fall leaves have finished their show.
    • The Cardis, bored boys,
    • Make far too much noise.
    • My sanity’s starting to go.

     


    November 7, 2008

    For Mum, who occasionally makes afghans:

    • An afghan adorned every couch
    • Where the Wolfhound was likely to crouch.
    • Whether wool or synthetic,
    • Their restful esthetic
    • Suffused his luxurious slouch.

     


    October 28, 2008

    For E.g., who offered the word “perspicacious”:

    • I asked for a word, and — good gracious! —
    • My partner replied, “Perspicacious.”
    • She’s brilliant; she’s keen;
    • She’s the shrewdest I’ve seen,
    • And her wordplay is most efficacious.

    October 21, 2008
    For Goodbear, who offered the word “Pickles”:

    • That field-romping collie pup, Pickles,
    • Has one task against which she stickles:
    • When the bath water flows,
    • Then away she tiptoes.
    • She prefers wearing products of sickles.

     


    October 14, 2008

    This one is really Alyson’s — she wrote all but the first line!

    • There once was an oyster from Ghent,
    • Who created a pearl he called Trent.
    • It was shiny and round
    • But far from profound.
    • And soon it was time that Trent went.

    October 7, 2008
    For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “Sasquatch”:

    • A Sasquatch was sighted in Acton!
    • And Georgian Bay, Dundalk, and Dryden,
    • Kapuskasing and Grimsby,
    • Belleville, Brockville, and Lindsay.
    • Ontarians sure like their Molson.

    September 28, 2008
    For James Joyce:

    • I once met an elderly leprechaun
    • Who appeared too ferocious to look upon.
    • In his youth, friends mistook him
    • As ill, and forsook him,
    • So he’d exiled himself as a leper gone.

    September 21, 2008
    For Alyson, who offered the word “cumquat”:

    • “The small Asian citrus, the cumquat,”
    • Anne read, “should not go in a rumpot.
    • It works much more swelly
    • In a marm’lade or jelly.”
    • Was Anne disappointed? Well, somewhat.

     


    August 28, 2008

    In honour of my recent dental work (albeit under much kinder dental professionals):

    • The analyst felt a bit sorry
    • When her dentist — and her helper, Lori —
    • Tipped her head to the south,
    • Placed four hands in her mouth,
    • And proceeded to tell their life’s story.

    August 21, 2008
    For Goodbear, who suggested the word “barn owl”:

    • The barn owl has been misaligned.
    • It’s mousies — not chickies — he’ll find,
    • To rid farmers of.
    • His face you’ll just love:
    • It’s heart-shaped. Remember, be kind!

    August 14, 2008
    For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “gloss”:

    • A great glopping gallon of gloss
    • Beats a barking, belligerent boss.
    • Shine his saddle and bridle,
    • Dust his arches apsidal,
    • Andja won’t hasta kiss his high hoss.

    August 7, 2008
    For Themarvelousinnature, who offered the word “goldfinch”:

    • A goldfinch alit on a thistle.
    • He smiled beakily, and said “This’ll
    • Fill the bill, yessirree!
    • My tummy’s happy!”
    • And thence he commenced for to whistle.

    July 28, 2008
    For all dogs who must wait while their owners get the groceries:

    • I hate to be left home alone.
    • I lay myself down with a groan
    • And won’t touch my food.
    • In such a foul mood
    • I hush every squeakball and bone.

    July 21, 2008
    For Jane, who offered the word “radar”:

    • I swear I did not see the sign
    • (The one that the cops hide behin’ ) .
    • But the beer in the trunk
    • Means the radar trap funk
    • Stayed a minor, if sobering, fine.

    July 14, 2008
    For The Aged Cat, who offered the phrase”Pont Neuf”:

    • On June 1st we crossed the Pont Neuf.
    • Mid-June, it’s “La poule et son oeuf“.
    • Pets, legends, pipi,
    • Hikes, rhymes, symphonies
    • Are my interests varied enough?

    July 7, 2008
    For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “eschews”:

    • If there’s one thing my Cardi eschews,
    • It’s the life of those loose-living ‘roos.
    • No kibble! Huge pockets!
    • No farts! Legs like rockets!
    • It’s not what a Corgi would choose.

    June 28, 2008
    For Chris, who offered the word “president”:

    • The president’s job is a tough one,
    • And a journalist’s tongue is a rough one.
    • After one photo-op
    • At Ye Olde Sausage Shoppe,
    • Headlines read, “Leader told where to stuff one”.

    June 21, 2008
    For whoever invented the phrase, “a waist is a terrible thing to mind” :

    • I now see my purchase was rash.
    • Though this white bathing suit is quite flash,
    • If I don’t lose (I fear)
    • Twenty pound and ten year,
    • It will raise not a single eyelash.

    June 14, 2008
    For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “procession”:

    • The Lady Godiva’s procession
    • Has made quite a lasting impression.
    • Her shiftless noblesse
    • is still seen as a test
    • of good stewardship during recession.

    June 7, 2008
    For Shelley, who offered the word “travel”:

    • I’m travelin’ on down the line
    • With several great Cardis of mine.
    • We’ll see friends of yore
    • And might get a good score.
    • Either way, it’s okay — I feel fine.

    May 21, 2008
    Just keep smiling

    • A passenger from Transylvania
    • Smiled and laughed till his stop — Pennsylvania.
    • He was trying his best
    • To ward off arrest:
    • “For concealed weapons found, they’ll arraign ya.”

    May 14, 2008
    For Alyson, who offered the word “Pluto”:

    • Is Pluto a planet, or not?
    • I used to know, but I forgot.
    • To force its demotion
    • Has caused me emotion:
    • My horoscope now has a blot!

    May 7, 2008
    For eyegillian, who offered the word “explore”
    (and with thanks to Gelett Burgess):

    • I wish that my room had a door!
    • I don’t care so much for a floor,
    • But without any way
    • To get outside and play,
    • I won’t have a chance to explore!

    April 28, 2008
    For Goodbear, who offered the word “Rosencrantz”:

    • Have pity on poor Rosencrantz!
    • He was forced — when the Dane survived France —
    • To go spy on his friend.
    • Hamlet hastened his end.
    • How’s that for a kick in the pants?

    April 21, 2008
    For Jane, who offered the word “Spain”:

    • There was a young farmer in Spain
    • Who let his sheep play in the rain.
    • “I agree, wet sheep stink.
    • But if they should shrink,
    • They can buy reduced fares on the train.”

    April 14, 2008
    A limerick in French:

    • Pour mon toux j’ai pris quelques pastilles
    • Qui se vendent juste en face d’la Bastille.
    • Faites du son et de l’orge,
    • Elles me chatouillent la gorge!
    • Je crois qu’elles sont une pacotille.

    And a sort of translation:

    • For my coughing I swallowed a dram
    • Of elixir I bought on the tram.
    • Made of wheat bran and oat,
    • The stuff tickles my throat!
    • I’m beginning to think it’s a sham.

    April 7, 2008
    for goodbear, who offered the word “Spree”, her cat’s name:

    • A black-and-white kitty named Spree
    • Met friends in the city for tea.
    • She sighed, “I love Cody
    • More’n any horned toady,
    • But nobody pities poor me!”

    April 1, 2008
    for eyegillian, who offered the word “turtle”:

    • A turtle (the polyglot lad!)
    • Tried out for singspiel in Belgrade.
    • He was told, “For an aria
    • One needs must be hairia;
    • Your bagpipe entr’acte, though, ain’t bad.”

    10 Responses to Limericks of the Turtle

    1. eyegillian says:

      Je pense que le limerick en Francais est formidable (although I haven’t looked everything up in my French-English dictionary yet), and I think the English version is brilliant!

    2. lavenderbay says:

      Thanks, eyegillian; sometimes I’m just lucky. The limerick for the week of April 21 will contain the word “Spain”, but I won’t attempt a hispanoparlante version.

    3. goodbear says:

      you take on the toughest limericks and you rock ’em!!!!

    4. lavenderbay says:

      I did have to do a bit of research for this one, though. Hamlet? Read it — seen it — but couldn’t quite remember it. Glad you liked your limerick.

    5. Todd Ehlers says:

      Terrific stuff!

    6. lavenderbay says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Todd!

    7. elizabethews says:

      I found you thru Goodbear – I love your writing and will link to you thru my blog. If you’re looking for another limerick word, my pets always welcome creative poetry about them! My “kids” are Alex(andria), Mabel, Chloe & Franklin. I’m not being limerick-greedy, I just thought I’d throw those options out there! 🙂

    8. lavenderbay says:

      What nice names you’ve chosen for your furkids, Elizabeth! I’ll go see who they are and what they’re like before working on rhymes for them. Thanks for dropping in, and the compliment!

    9. Tony says:

      Some good limericks here LB, I really especially like the on of October 21, 2008 about the collie named Pickles. You’re very clever with these, but I suppose one could argue that it could go both ways…

    10. lavenderbay says:

      Thanks, Tony-masquerading-as-a-spammer! I’d forgotten how much fun these were to write. In rereading them, I also caught and fixed an error (Sep ’08, James Joyce’s friends first mistook him and then forsook him). Cheers!

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