The most recent limerick is at the top. The dates represent when each limerick was published in my sidebar; the rhymes were composed anywhere from a few minutes to a few weeks beforehand.
January 14, 2010
March 18, 2009
Feast of Saints Patrick and John
- I must grow a new lim’rick soon!
- St Paddy deserves a fresh tune.
- But the way things are going,
- The seeds that I’m sowing
- Won’t bear new rhyme crops until June.
February 28, 2009
Mushy Sentiments for Mum
- My mum — if one’s age can be told
- From one’s birthdays — is 18 years old.
- She arrived, truth to say,
- On a month’s bonus day.
- Her hair’s silver, but her heart’s gold.
February 7, 2009
- My Cardigan Corgis are Beautiful
- (If not always perfectly dutiful).
- Out of doors they run ’round
- And sniff all they’ve found.
- Exercise? Yes, we all get a bootiful.
January 14, 2009
- The exorcist doffed his fedora
- And smiled at the wee gamine Laura.
- “It’s two things we need
- To do this brave deed,
- Which are, namely — faith and begorra!”
December 21, 2008
Song of the Closed Road
- A blizzard’s a windy snowstorm;
- Reduced speed and sight are the norm.
- If you want song and dance,
- Rent a 40s romance.
- Stay at home. Don’t watch chaos perform.
December 14, 2008
Do It Yourself
- There was an old man in Ontario
- Who never played tunes on the stereo.
- When asked why this was,
- He replied, “It’s because
- I prefer whistling Heigh-Ho the Dairy-o.”
December 7, 2008
And Sun-dried Tomato Pesto Radiators
- A serious study of food’ll
- Reveal the great art of the noodle.
- In strand, shell, or sheet,
- Squid ink black or gold wheat!
- I’d rather have noodle than strudel.
November 28, 2008
While You Were Sleeping
- I sprang up, and threw on my housecoat
- To know what the cat — moth or mouse? — smote.
- He was inputting data
- To see his hunts at a
- Glance: “slug, fly, jay, frog, toad, snake, grouse, goat.”
November 21, 2008
- A young Puffin perched on a little ledge,
- Gazing far down from its brittle edge.
- Growing more and more brave
- With each wild, dancing wave,
- He leapt in. “Ah!” he said, “What a privilege!”
November 14, 2008
“20-30 cm predicted for Saturday…”
- November means rain, not yet snow.
- The fall leaves have finished their show.
- The Cardis, bored boys,
- Make far too much noise.
- My sanity’s starting to go.
November 7, 2008
For Mum, who occasionally makes afghans:
- An afghan adorned every couch
- Where the Wolfhound was likely to crouch.
- Whether wool or synthetic,
- Their restful esthetic
- Suffused his luxurious slouch.
October 28, 2008
For E.g., who offered the word “perspicacious”:
- I asked for a word, and — good gracious! —
- My partner replied, “Perspicacious.”
- She’s brilliant; she’s keen;
- She’s the shrewdest I’ve seen,
- And her wordplay is most efficacious.
October 21, 2008
For Goodbear, who offered the word “Pickles”:
- That field-romping collie pup, Pickles,
- Has one task against which she stickles:
- When the bath water flows,
- Then away she tiptoes.
- She prefers wearing products of sickles.
October 14, 2008
This one is really Alyson’s — she wrote all but the first line!
- There once was an oyster from Ghent,
- Who created a pearl he called Trent.
- It was shiny and round
- But far from profound.
- And soon it was time that Trent went.
October 7, 2008
For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “Sasquatch”:
- A Sasquatch was sighted in Acton!
- And Georgian Bay, Dundalk, and Dryden,
- Kapuskasing and Grimsby,
- Belleville, Brockville, and Lindsay.
- Ontarians sure like their Molson.
September 28, 2008
For James Joyce:
- I once met an elderly leprechaun
- Who appeared too ferocious to look upon.
- In his youth, friends mistook him
- As ill, and forsook him,
- So he’d exiled himself as a leper gone.
September 21, 2008
For Alyson, who offered the word “cumquat”:
- “The small Asian citrus, the cumquat,”
- Anne read, “should not go in a rumpot.
- It works much more swelly
- In a marm’lade or jelly.”
- Was Anne disappointed? Well, somewhat.
August 28, 2008
In honour of my recent dental work (albeit under much kinder dental professionals):
- The analyst felt a bit sorry
- When her dentist — and her helper, Lori —
- Tipped her head to the south,
- Placed four hands in her mouth,
- And proceeded to tell their life’s story.
August 21, 2008
For Goodbear, who suggested the word “barn owl”:
- The barn owl has been misaligned.
- It’s mousies — not chickies — he’ll find,
- To rid farmers of.
- His face you’ll just love:
- It’s heart-shaped. Remember, be kind!
August 14, 2008
For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “gloss”:
- A great glopping gallon of gloss
- Beats a barking, belligerent boss.
- Shine his saddle and bridle,
- Dust his arches apsidal,
- Andja won’t hasta kiss his high hoss.
August 7, 2008
For Themarvelousinnature, who offered the word “goldfinch”:
- A goldfinch alit on a thistle.
- He smiled beakily, and said “This’ll
- Fill the bill, yessirree!
- My tummy’s happy!”
- And thence he commenced for to whistle.
July 28, 2008
For all dogs who must wait while their owners get the groceries:
- I hate to be left home alone.
- I lay myself down with a groan
- And won’t touch my food.
- In such a foul mood
- I hush every squeakball and bone.
July 21, 2008
For Jane, who offered the word “radar”:
- I swear I did not see the sign
- (The one that the cops hide behin’ ) .
- But the beer in the trunk
- Means the radar trap funk
- Stayed a minor, if sobering, fine.
July 14, 2008
For The Aged Cat, who offered the phrase”Pont Neuf”:
- On June 1st we crossed the Pont Neuf.
- Mid-June, it’s “La poule et son oeuf“.
- Pets, legends, pipi,
- Hikes, rhymes, symphonies —
- Are my interests varied enough?
July 7, 2008
For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “eschews”:
- If there’s one thing my Cardi eschews,
- It’s the life of those loose-living ‘roos.
- No kibble! Huge pockets!
- No farts! Legs like rockets!
- It’s not what a Corgi would choose.
June 28, 2008
For Chris, who offered the word “president”:
- The president’s job is a tough one,
- And a journalist’s tongue is a rough one.
- After one photo-op
- At Ye Olde Sausage Shoppe,
- Headlines read, “Leader told where to stuff one”.
June 21, 2008
For whoever invented the phrase, “a waist is a terrible thing to mind” :
- I now see my purchase was rash.
- Though this white bathing suit is quite flash,
- If I don’t lose (I fear)
- Twenty pound and ten year,
- It will raise not a single eyelash.
June 14, 2008
For Livingisdetail, who offered the word “procession”:
- The Lady Godiva’s procession
- Has made quite a lasting impression.
- Her shiftless noblesse
- is still seen as a test
- of good stewardship during recession.
June 7, 2008
For Shelley, who offered the word “travel”:
- I’m travelin’ on down the line
- With several great Cardis of mine.
- We’ll see friends of yore
- And might get a good score.
- Either way, it’s okay — I feel fine.
May 21, 2008
Just keep smiling
- A passenger from Transylvania
- Smiled and laughed till his stop — Pennsylvania.
- He was trying his best
- To ward off arrest:
- “For concealed weapons found, they’ll arraign ya.”
May 14, 2008
For Alyson, who offered the word “Pluto”:
- Is Pluto a planet, or not?
- I used to know, but I forgot.
- To force its demotion
- Has caused me emotion:
- My horoscope now has a blot!
May 7, 2008
For eyegillian, who offered the word “explore”
(and with thanks to Gelett Burgess):
- I wish that my room had a door!
- I don’t care so much for a floor,
- But without any way
- To get outside and play,
- I won’t have a chance to explore!
April 28, 2008
For Goodbear, who offered the word “Rosencrantz”:
- Have pity on poor Rosencrantz!
- He was forced — when the Dane survived France —
- To go spy on his friend.
- Hamlet hastened his end.
- How’s that for a kick in the pants?
April 21, 2008
For Jane, who offered the word “Spain”:
- There was a young farmer in Spain
- Who let his sheep play in the rain.
- “I agree, wet sheep stink.
- But if they should shrink,
- They can buy reduced fares on the train.”
April 14, 2008
A limerick in French:
- Pour mon toux j’ai pris quelques pastilles
- Qui se vendent juste en face d’la Bastille.
- Faites du son et de l’orge,
- Elles me chatouillent la gorge!
- Je crois qu’elles sont une pacotille.
And a sort of translation:
- For my coughing I swallowed a dram
- Of elixir I bought on the tram.
- Made of wheat bran and oat,
- The stuff tickles my throat!
- I’m beginning to think it’s a sham.
April 7, 2008
for goodbear, who offered the word “Spree”, her cat’s name:
- A black-and-white kitty named Spree
- Met friends in the city for tea.
- She sighed, “I love Cody
- More’n any horned toady,
- But nobody pities poor me!”
April 1, 2008
for eyegillian, who offered the word “turtle”:
- A turtle (the polyglot lad!)
- Tried out for singspiel in Belgrade.
- He was told, “For an aria
- One needs must be hairia;
- Your bagpipe entr’acte, though, ain’t bad.”